Shattered
by star-struck-imagination
Summary: When someone dear to you dies, you think you can't go on. But what if that person does come back, but in the form of an angel? Would you let your heart love that person as if he was there?
1. Anthem of the Angels

**A/N:** I own nothing, though I wish I could.

This story's main idea belongs to **Mikisna**, to who I dedicated this :D

Hope you enjoy this story just as much as you enjoyed the last :D I promise I will make more soon XD

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0x0x0

Song that inspired me:_ Anthem of the Angels - Breaking Benjamin_

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><p><strong>Shattered <strong>

_Chapter 1_ – Anthem of the Angels

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><p>Life is always hard on those that she gives birth to, but she is especially mean and pesky with those that try to conquer it. Playing pranks and taking away loved ones is the most fun she can have, but when she meets with creatures that aren't only her doing, she tends to be a little too dramatic. Not that they see it or feel it, but they do sense it, and, as times flies by, they learn how to cheat life. But, then again, games like this don't last long. Something bad happens in the end that makes all the weird things end and everything turns back to what we call normality. But no one thinks twice about those that die or disappear. No one but those that have met those people.<p>

That's what death does to us: makes us disappear and then, maybe, just maybe, if we are lucky enough, it changes us into something better. That's why he never once blinked twice when he jumped in front of his brother to shield him from the final blow, taking all of it on himself. He believed in the old saying that every good man has his place somewhere up there. He strongly believed in the after life, even if nothing until then proved him that there was something like that. He still believed it, and, above all, he knew that his brothers will never forget about him, will never abandon his memory. Especially one. He will continue to live with his memory. Though he regretted thinking that way, considering how his brother was, he couldn't blame himself for being a bit selfish.

When the blade slid through him, slashing through his organs and cutting him away from life, Leonardo, the leader of the four mutant turtles, didn't flinch, but pushed Raphael a bit farther, turning around to kill the one that tried to kill his family. Puffing, his body shaking and feeling the burn that the cut brought with it, the terrapin stood as tall as he could, facing whatever enemy ninja would come to get him.

As his blade whooshed through the air, droplets of dark red fanning away from the tip, glistering in the night sky, he couldn't help but think back at his past, his life as it been until that time, when the final battle with an alien race which enslaved Karai and her ninjas. Strange and abnormal as it may have been, but it was his life, with ups and downs, tears and bloodshed. He had loved, laughed, cried, had fun, care for his family and being cared for. Coughing up blood, two small rivulets of the red liquid running down his chin from the corners of his mouth, tainting his sea green skin, Leo continued to slash through his enemies, running straight ahead, not listening to the screams of agony or pleas from his brothers to stop, the number one turtle advanced, aiming for the head of the alien king, the one that threaten to destroy what he held dear. He would never surrender his loved ones to creatures like this tentacle freak, not until this body of his will remain without life. And not even then, because he will find a way to come back and kill the sucker for everything he ever did.

Howling, the last battle cry his beaten up body could come up with, Leo jumped in the air, green skin glistering with blood and sweat, onyx eyes shining with determination and death, and yellow plastron filled with black holes that gushed out blood and through which anyone could see his muscles tensing and his organs moving. He didn't feel the new wound being created, he hadn't been feeling something since the second wound, the broken blade of the katana that had made it still sticking from his shell. He didn't care at that point what happened with his meat suit, knowing that even if this will end he couldn't survive with all the blood loss and all the wounds and damage his body had taken. With his tongue tasting the air, his lungs full of blood, still coughing, the blue clad terrapin jammed his sword through the alien king's heart, making the guy yell in pain, but dyeing non the less the next second, when his body touched the ground, his mind control ending, and every soldier in his army gaining control over his or her body.

Groaning, staggering on his feet, barely breathing, the first rays of sun falling on his broken body, Leo turned on his heals to take a last look at his screaming brothers that yelled his name, tears falling from their eyes, despair in the tone of their voices. Smiling, mumbling something under his breath, cursing the heavens for taking away his vision out of exhaustion when he needed it the most, Leo fell from the top of the robot suit the tentacle alien had brought with him. He felt the air and the coldness it had, and then, as everything turned black, the fight finally over, he felt someone's warm hands and chest on his own. The salty smell of someone that worked almost non-stop on his bike and took every exercise to extreme, invaded his nostrils, and the crocked smile only someone that loved it could make, made his face glow in the light of a rising new day. But, even if Raph's smell made his heart ache with want, the feelings he had for him bubbling in his chest, he couldn't see nor hear him. He wished he could touch his face for the last time, as a reminder in the next life, but his hands didn't move when he commanded them to lift. He could only die there, in his arms as he cried over him, feeling the cold yet hot and moist texture of his younger brother's tears. He couldn't tell him not to fell bad about the incident earlier, though he wanted to do so, he wanted to make Raphael ease up in the future and not feel bad about being saved. Because he will do so for sure: he would regret being saved if that would mean that his beloved elder brother would come back. He will bit himself up again and again only to make the pain inside his heart go away. Leo feared that, with his death, Raphael will begin to change for the worst, and shut himself up for good. He was always capable of doing so!

Grinding his teeth together, the sea green turtle forced his eyes to focus with all his might, only too see the cut up figure of his brother, crying over him, tears wetting his bandana, golden orbs swimming beautifully in a sea of tears. He was gorgeous in every way, and Leo berated himself for not telling that sooner to his long time secret love.

"_But maybe this was the wisest decision I could ever come up with... ughh... I don't have much time left..."_ groaned Leo in his mind, looking at Raph's face, as he urged his hand up to lightly touch his cheek.

"Don't... blame yourself.. fo-for me saving you!" he managed to say, a true smile tugging at his lips, as his eyes looked straight into his brother's eyes, fingers gently caressing the wet cheek, as his brother's eyes widen, mouth shaking as he tried to say something.

But what could he have said? Nothing could bring time back or Leo for that matter. No matter what he did, who he asked, no one could change this moment, and, if he could go back to the past and change the way things were now, then they both would probably die, or worst, all his family and friends. Leo couldn't afford to know that they won't be safe without him there. Sure, they were crazy and always doing something that could make everything worst, but they managed with him in that year he was away, so why wouldn't they be OK now?

Huffing, his eyes moving to his other brothers and master, he could only smile, his vocal cords not wanting to respond as his light faded, this time for sure, his heart slowing it's beats, till it stopped. As his hand fell from Raph's cheek, his eyes closed, but his face still harboring that peaceful smile, that he always took out of the closet when he was with him, Raphael's eyes went cold, his hands shaking his brother's body. Tears stopped falling from his now empty eyes, as his mouth opened to let out a painful scream. He screamed till his lungs went numb and his throat was raw, but not even then did he stop. He screamed till he went out cold, only one name and one plea on his lips: Leo!

Light fell on them, and wind started to blow from every direction, lifting and bringing with it small pink petals smelling of some fresh zone that they couldn't see. Swirling around the bodies that still had life in them as they mourned the loss of their friend and brother, Raph was the only one that felt a particular touch on his shoulder, a light presence of a hand, the same touch Leo used to make when he was about to stop him from doing something stupid. His mouth hang open, but his eyes looked around, searching for someone or something that could make that touch, but no one was paying attention to his pain or sorrow, being too busy with their own hurt feelings. But, even if he couldn't see anything, he could still hear the rich laugh of Leo vibrating through the air.

"_You haven't lost your touch, bro! Now keep this up... Don't forget about me or about yourself! I have done all I could for this family, now's your turn Raph!" _ the voices in the wind spoke to him, as his eyes finally watered, his father approaching him, wanting to talk about his deceased son.

"_I love you, Raph..."_ the last remains of that voice that seemed to belong to Leo lingered in the wind, caring with it the last breath his brother.

Tears falling from his closed eyes, the strong and stubborn second son of the wise rat, covered his eyes from the world, mumbling something for himself, not hearing anything else but the moans in the wind. It wasn't fair to dump everything on his shoulders, but... if Leo hadn't trusted him with the care of his family he wouldn't have done that thing. Biting his lower lip to blood, the hot head with a soft heart stood up, taking the cold body of his brother with himself.

"We can't stay here, master! We have to go... we'll have enough time to mourn Leo after we get to a safe place." Raphael managed to say, his voice horsed and raspy.

It pained him to think this way, but he had no choice right now. That's what Leo would have done if he would have been dead right now. But it hurt him non the less, and, as he pushed the open wound in his heart away, Raph tried to think and see through the thick layer of tears and dread he felt.

What will happen with him now? What will happen with all of them?

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><p>-x-x-x-<p>

-x-x-

**A/N:** now you lovely readers, please leave a comment :D This is only the fist chapter, but I would like to feel some love from all of you :D


	2. Real to me

**A/N:** I don't own anything!

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It is dedicated, as usual to Mikisna, who supports me, plus some other people from deviantArt to whom I give my thanks from the deepest parts of my heart. I hope you will all enjoy this chapter, and, to tell you the truth, I have fallen in love with it. So I will continue with it till I will feel satisfied XD

If you have any questions, please say so I can answer them :D

Lot's of Love from Star! (or Loryx, or Mew...)

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**Song:** Still Alive – Lisa Miskovsky and Shattered – Trading Yesterday (from which the name of the story)

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><p>0x0x0x0x0<p>

_**Chapter 2 - Real to me**_

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><p>Empty halls, empty rooms, no sounds except the noises that came from the city above, that was the atmosphere in the lair, and, as minutes passed by, silence became dangerous for those that lived there, suffocating them with it's dark presence. Extending it's tentacles to their souls, eating away their thoughts, making any preoccupation a hazardous act, the emptiness they felt in their heart began to make them restless, searching for things that could save them from the disaster in them. But nothing seem to work, the coldness they felt coming from the walls freezing anything that they could find, making it loose it's magical power, it's glow, making it gray and unusable. This had never happened before, and as they searched in each other for a pillar of emotional support, they found none, only the same ocean of tears, and, occasionally, the destroyed remains of their inner world.<p>

Even if they told themselves numerous times before that they were still alive and that they could always continue living on, as they did in the past, even if Leo wasn't there, they knew all too well, small violent voices crying out in them that they stood no chance in front of the world without their leader brother, that they couldn't continue like they used too. Sure, Raph was there, trying to convince them that, even if they had lost one of them in that battle, they could survive this harsh world on their own, none of them believed those words, not even the one that said them. It always felt as if his mouth was moving on it's own, empty words and believes spouting out of his body, trying to convince him than actually convincing those around him. He wished he could cry and rant like he used too, but, as night settled on New York, the red clad terrapin moved his gaze from one remaining brother to the other, seeing the same lifeless expression on their faces that he sow on his own every time he approached a mirror.

Sighting, biting his lip, drawing blood, but not making the ache in his chest subside, Raphael turned on his heels and went straight to where the dojo was, his body moving on his own, his heart and conscious too far away in his bitter memories for him to realize that he was doing something. As he opened the shoji door, his eyes widened, mouth slightly hanging open, as his mind focused on the image his eyes were experiencing: Leo, the Leo he always knew, was training there, sweat trickling down his body, muscles tense and eyes closed. He was training to become stronger in order to protect them.

To protect him! As his eyes fixed themselves on his moving body, Raph sow in his brother the same grace he had envied for years, the same smugness he despised, but, at the same time, the leader he cherished, the brother he loved. He sow everything, and as his eyes watered, obscuring his vision, Leo turned to face him, slowly opening his eyes, dark orbs fixing in golden ones the next second they were fully opened. Groaning his brother's name, the jade colored turtle took a step forward, hand extended to touch the face and body that had appeared in front of him. But, a icy gust of wind made his body tense, and, as seconds flew by, Leonardo's perfect image started to change, small rivulets of blood coming from the corners of his mouth and from freshly cut wounds, red droplets of the red glowing liquid sliding down his body. His onyx eyes darkened, but the small smile still remained, and, as Raph continued to come closer, the imaginary Leo shook his head, sadness tainting the black ocean of his gaze. Rushing to the broken apart figure that was his brother, Raph felt his finger tips touch what he though was his brother's skin, but, the next second the image disappeared, leaving behind only the cold air and the smell of blood.

Dropping to his knees, clutching his chest with both hands, the forest green mutant groaned, moaning his sadness, tears sliding down his chin, his face pale and his heart bleeding with sorrow and regret. He cried, hot tears falling on his legs, small pearls that would disappear the next minute, just as his brother's image had. He cried, feeling his heart crumble to the power of loss, and, as he sat there, drowning in his pain, something in him clicked, his voice disappearing and his mind going completely blank. This was no life for them, and because he was such a sinking mess, he couldn't help his family or his friends to move forward. He couldn't forget Leo, nor could he ignore any longer the anguish he felt because he couldn't save his brother.

"I... I did nothing to save him! I did nothing and he died in my arms!" he breathed out, hands turning into fists, blunt nails biting into the flesh, making small wounds appear.

Suffocating, unable to yell out his pain, his hurt, his frustration, unable to do anything but cry and feel sorry for everything, blaming himself for everything, Raph battled with his inner self, his mouth opened, but no sound coming out, rocking his body back and forward, eyes tightly shut, tears still falling down from his drowning eyes. He couldn't do anything more and taking his life was meaningless now. He was felt so small, so alone there, in that empty dojo that still smelled like his brother and still had his presence lingering on the tatami floor and in the cracks and busted utensils that were all around the room. Barely breathing, eyes turned into slits, dark marks under them, the second eldest fixed his eyes on a particular spot on the wall where a reddish zone was still visible, even if the light was dim, and he tried to figure a new strategy. He had to forget about the pain, even if that was the last thing he could do and focus on his family. But, as his eyes remained there, the memories with Leo flooded his mind, and he grind his teeth together, the turmoil in him starting again, with more force this time.

"I don't... I can't be the leader of this family! That was yer role, Leo!" he screamed, getting up all of a sudden and viciously attacking the wall, punching at that spot where, years ago, he had managed to through Leo which, by chance had hit it and remained unconscious for about a minute.

He still remembered the agitation then, and, after he had woken up, the smile he had showed when he had seen him. That gentle smile that assured him that everything was alright. Why did he had do make that face again _that time _too? Why did he have to butt in his fight, even if he had to die? Why did Leo leave everything to him, everything that they promised to protect **together**? Why did everything fell apart when he disappeared from this world?

As his fist came in contact with the wall, small cracks forming on the now bloody spot, Raph realized that he felt nothing. He tensed up and, using his body weight, he started to punch more furiously, watching, with a morbid fascination how his blood lifted for mere seconds in the air, glistering in the dim light, a vibrant red, contrasting his green skin when it touched it in it's way to the wall or floor. He still felt nothing, but continued, his mind blank, his eyes not seeing the wall or the dojo, but only the inner world that he had created years ago to protect himself from the harsh reality or from the stupidity of human kind. He hadn't realized how shattered that world had become once his unique brother had disappeared forever from this world. His knuckles were numb when he heard the door suddenly hitting it's wooden frame, but not even then did he stop, even if his breath was ragged and his heart was beating almost breaking through it's fleshy cage. He didn't stop nor heard the voice belonging to someone that he knew from some distant past, his attention being focused on the gray appearance of his inner self, blissfully grinning back to him, even if his flesh was rotting and his eyes held no life. His eyes widened in horror as his body was thrown back, the creature that lived in him lunged it's hideous, dismembered self at him. He would have screamed if his vision wouldn't have been filled with the worried face of a scared and desperate Donatello, who, by chance, was passing by the dojo and heard the constant punching and the silent moans of pain.

"What the shell were you doing, Raph? Do you plan to mutilate yourself to death? Isn't Leo's death enough for this family? Do you ever think about..." Don had started his vicious rant, as he inspecting his elder brother's hands, clicking his wide tongue on the back of his mouth.

And he would have continued if the same hand he had inspected wouldn't have retracted with force from his grasp and wouldn't have come in contact with his exposed jaw. He would have told his brother everything he had on his heart if he wouldn't have been stopped so abruptly by the sudden outburst of the older turtle.

Heaving, eyes half closed, golden orbs glowing dangerously with their own light, Raph lifted himself off the tatami mat, first on his right knee and then standing on his own two feet, looking down at a puzzled Donnie, who just massaged his jaw, unable to say something to his obviously angry and distressed brother. As their eyes met, Raph closed his eyes, his bottom lips trembling, his soul weighting the burden of both his feelings and his thoughts. He wished his brothers would stop a bit and listen to him like they did with Leo.

"_But they'll never listen to the hot head, the strange an' impulsive leader, someone that shouldn't even be the leader in the first place! They'll never look at me... I'm no Leo...í" _his thoughts fallowed their self destructive path, as he turned on his heels, not once looking back as his brother slowly got up, regretting his words.

What was worst was that now he had to make everything better, something that he was never good at. All but running, Raph rushed out of the lair, feeling the cold air of the surface world hitting his heated skin, licking away the hurt and pain he started to feel from his wounded hands. He ran and ran from sewer tunnel to sewer tunnel, not once stopping until he burst out of the closed environment to the rooftops, stopping shortly after, out of breath.

Tears mixing with sweat and blood tanned his already dark skin, making it glow a reddish color, making him precious to the look. But no human sow this turtle crumbling in the arms of loss, aching heart and mind making him suffer alone. No human, but a strange angel, one that had only mischievous thoughts when it came to this abnormal family. His family!

Black eyes, tinted with blue sparks, watched as the jade color terrapin slumped down, taking his head into his hands. He watched, arms crossed over an invisible chest, his mind analyzing the pros and cons of his future decisions. He wished he could help them, help Raph, but he could only watch for the moment. Sure, his brother was strong, a true soft hearted warrior, but, as things when on, he couldn't survive the hurt. He wished he could talk to his long time love right now, but he couldn't come in contact with him. He couldn't just approach his brother and appear in the form of an angel and expect him to understand and accept all of it.

Sighting, his own pure heart melting as it faced the deepest pain one could experience, the turtle angel opened his wings and softly landed near his brother, his eyes filled with love, anguish and sympathy. Reaching out, his hand barely touching the now cold skin of the one he had fallen in love with so many years ago, he sensed the distress in that body and his heart started to pinch and pull at it's restrains.

"_Please... Stop crying, Raph! I know it will be OK! I know it..."_ his voice echoed in the night, but didn't touch the ears that wanted to hear them the most.

Raph continued to cry, sniffing and thinking back at a past that made his stomach churn in want and regret. Time had pasted to easily and now it seemed like it was going to end. He never felt so alone in his entire life and, as the black clad angel with a blue bandana sat right next to him, his hand petting the head that bowed to the moon, Raph started to calm down.

Still sniffing, his eyes puffy and red, but so beautiful in the moon light, he lifted his head, looking straight at the round orb in the sky and grinded his teeth. Lowering his gaze once more he growled a few insults, and then got up. He could outrun his needs and pains, he could fight them back, but right now, all he could do was cry and wish for all of this to end. Like he had previously thought he couldn't take his life. His family would disappear for sure and he still felt tied with them, even if the main character in his home had ceased from life.

Turning his head once more to the sky he wished, from the deepest places of his heart that he could understand what he truly felt and what he truly wanted, plus, if the heavens would like it, he wanted to know what he should do from then on. A silent tear fell down his cheek, a perfect little drop that glistered in the moon rays and that fell down till it touched the cold bricks of the building he was on top of. As his head dropped till it touched his plastron, a groan rumbling in his chest, his body started to move, running away from the spot where his brother's spirit remained, unknown to anyone.

When he could no longer see Raphael's body nor heard the snarls and growls he made when jumping from roof top to roof top, Leo looked down where the small stain from both the tears and the blood that his brother had shed for him, he knelt next to it, his index finger caressing the spot. A grimace came and went on his face like a summer storm, and, when he flexed his wings once more, he had already decided what he will do in the future. It was something that, the past Leo wouldn't have done, but he was no longer that Leo, not all at least.

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><p>-x-x-x-x-<p>

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**A/N:** hope you enjoyed it! I will make more soon, so please leave a comment saying how you feel about this story!

Thank you very much!


	3. Can you see my heart?

A/N: Don't hate me for this chapter . I tried my best!

Thank you for all your support Mikisna XD And I think this chapter will satisfy your need to see Leo XD I made this especially for that!

And you, my dearest readers, to whom I give my deepest love to, I thank you! And, if you will find this chapter worthy of your attention, not to mention the story itself, then please leave a small comment somewhere around here XD

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**Song** : _All I need_ and _Final Destination_ – Within Temptation

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><p>0x0x0x0x0<p>

**Chapter 3**_** – Can you see my heart?**_

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The popular believe is that death is the worst kind of stage a human can experience, that it takes everything from you and that it makes you something that could never interact with both the ones that died and the ones that continue to live on. People think that once you die and possibly go to heaven, or hell by case, then you stop to exist, swallowed by God and the angels.

But that kind of believe is as false as it can be. He, for one, could contradict everyone, telling them what he had seen when he was there, and how he felt. He would show them with solid arguments that he was still Leo, still existing, still there, even if he didn't have a body to move around. But, as frustrating as it may be, he couldn't do that to those that didn't believe in the angel form that he had now. He couldn't talk to them directly, so he always had to wait until he could touch their dreams and see how they were, how broken and how he could help them.

_"Meh... Even in death I can't rest, now can I?"_ he snickered, shaking his head as he thought about those things.

His wings hit the air, making no sound in the buzzing night, his body moving swiftly from one zone to the other, onyx eyes fixed on the sky, searching for something that he couldn't identify, something that called to his soul to follow, but never name it. He flied, turning his body to the right, making it move past a big building. He could just pass through it, but he didn't like the feeling of concrete hitting his form. Huffing, continuing his journey through the sky, piloting himself as best as he could, Leo thought back at the day he had died, the faces his loved ones made and the feelings in his soul.

He remembered every last detail about his fights, the way his blade sang when it cut through flesh, tasting new blood with every slash. He remembered the tired feeling in his arm muscles and in his legs as he jumped from one point to the other, always watching his back and avoiding the laser bullets the alien army had used against him. He remembered the salty-sweet smell of the spilled blood, the copper taste in his mouth, the way his throat ached, begging for water. Leo remembered all, till the very last detail. And he still felt the weight of his katanas, the sickening feeling of blood gushing out of freshly made wounds, of bones cracking and breaking as he punched and kicked in order to keep himself alive. If he was completely honest with himself, he didn't quite like to fight, to take lives, but he had no choice. He couldn't stop the fight with rational talk and he couldn't step away from it. His quick tempered brother would jump in without thinking twice and someone had to have his back.

But, in the last fight, he had a choice of action that he completely disregarded, too angry to care for other lives when the one he loved was tortured in front of his eyes. He could have stopped everything when he had seen Raph hanging in those handcuffs, groaning in pain as the alien that had lead the attack was slashing away parts of his skin, by simply not looking and cutting the small remote in one of it's tentacles. But, to his half hearted shame, he didn't do that, but just lashed at it, eyes big, full of a fury that he had never before experienced, teeth grinding, body tense and ready to kill. He didn't regret anything, because, when he got his jade colored brother down, he sow in his eyes how thankful he was. Maybe Raph will never thank him for saving his life and for prolonging the battle, not to mention dyeing at the end of it, but he will never regret anything that had happened then.

As wrong as this may sound to his own ears, he didn't regret anything. Forcing his wings to push the air harder, lifting his black clad body to the sky, feeling the swift movement of the wind, Leo closed his eyes, remembering the only thing that kept him from leaving everything this world had to offer to become one of the angels up there: Raph's smiling face, the way his eyes glittered when he was passionate about something, the way he moved when he fought, the sound of his voice and the heat his body had to offer. Grinning, the now half angel Leo crossed the sky with one powerful thrust of his feathered wings. He reopened his eyes, looking at the moon, only to see his own reflection: pale sea green skin, dark bluish eyes, long black robe with a purple obi-like thing around his waist. Analyzing the things he saw, he couldn't come up with a comment, liking and not liking what he sow.

_"I thought angels wore white robes, and had perfectly white wings!"_ he huffed, slightly crossing his arms at his chest, eyes turning into slits and a dark grin on his lips, transforming the old Leo into something new and dangerous.

And dangerous he was, wings white, tinted with red and black where they began, eyes void of any specific emotion except that old determination and will power. The smoldering unnatural passion in his soul made him something unrecognizable, ready to do anything in order to protect the ones that he cared for and getting what he need in exchange. This was only half of the old Leonardo, the turtle his brothers were grieving over. This new Leo, the archangel he had become, was nothing like the other one, being more persistent, more vicious, attacking without caring who he killed, his only objective being his family's safety.

But what was surprising even for him were the emotions that coursed through him, that vibrated with their own frightening life, that made him unable to resist to their calling: he didn't feel anything when he thought about Mickey or Don, or even for his master. He couldn't think about them and feel any kind of emotions. He could just see them die in front of him and he wouldn't care. The feelings that made his body react with the power it still possessed was lust, a form of possessive love and the need to be next to and protect the one that made him stay longer in this world, were killing and destruction ruled.

Sighting, shaking his head as the mirror image of himself in the moon disappeared, allowing him to bathe in the cold glare of the full moon, he himself smiling just as cold, Leo just flopped his wings, not looking at anything in particular. He could have been mistaken for a cold sadist, a cold blooded maniac that was send to kill someone and that he enjoyed doing it, and who would have seen him and thought these things wouldn't be half wrong. But his plans weren't to kill someone. No! He was setting for something more, something that belonged to him, something that he won't share with anyone, not even his family. He wanted Raphael and that was all. Nothing will take the second eldest from his hands ever again.

_"Even if I once died thinking that he was better off without my love, I don't think I can leave him alone. I don't like seeing him cry for anyone else but me!"_ his selfish and scary thoughts making his skin crawl but bringing him a pleasure that he never thought he could possess in this immaterial state he was in.

Throwing his body back to the ground, keeping his wings securely shut around him, his body disappearing in the mass of white with black and red parts, he closed his eyes, his soul resonating around in the world as he searched feverishly for the one he needed to make his. And when he found him, his face, empty of any visible reaction, broke into a grin, his teeth showing, white and with prolonged canines, through the opened lips. He was going to make Raph realize that his place was next to him, and that nothing that this world had to offer could make the void in his heart go away. No one could do that, but him, his elder brother.

_**-Meantime-**_

As he ran, his mind blank, his soul chasing after him, his thoughts long forgotten, Raph didn't registered where he was going until he stopped, his breath caught in his throat. His eyes stung from the salty sweat that fell down his brow, but, even with the shaking images, he still stood there, incapable of saying anything more, recognizing the place. He had stopped in a small wooden zone outside of New York, where they had buried Leo's body so many days ago. He barely could see the metal plate that stood where his head was or the black soil that was on top, but he knew where he was all too well.

"Can ye believe that it's been... two weeks since ye have died, Fearless?" his horsed voice from crying and screaming for such a long time, barely reached his ears as he knelt down next to the head stone.

Shaking with the same restrain in his emotions, fighting with himself and what he wanted to express, the humanoid turtle just stood there, hands laying limply in his lap, head hanging low and tears falling down his nose and hitting the earth. He didn't want to cry, he wanted to slash and kill everyone that had hurt his brother, but, to his great disadvantage, he didn't remember much from that time. The only thing that was for sure in his tormented head and heart was that Leo had died in his arms after he had protected him. He didn't remember the torture his body had previously sustained, nor the reason for his brother's outburst in battle, he didn't remember any of it, and he didn't even know that a part like that was missing.

But his inner soul knew, and, in his brutal attack against the walls that kept that traumatic experience back, he yelled the things Raph didn't want to hear. He fought against that evil presence, that little voice that had gotten stronger over the years and didn't seem like he was winning at all, not that he even tried very hard. He was sick and tired of it all, and, as he continued to cry, the never ending ocean of tears falling from his eyes with rhythmical precision, he thought back to the days of his youth, the days he spent arguing with Leo and beating Mickey, days sunny and full of happiness, days that seemed so far away now. He thought back on them, eyes closed and body rocking back and forth, no sound coming from his parted lips, only the air that he breathed. He was feeling ill, all of him, but he didn't dare to get up and go back to that hell hole he called a home. He didn't want to see Michelangelo's accusing glares, or hear Don's statements for improving a family that wanted to dissipate. But what was worst was that his father didn't want to come out of his room, keeping himself locked up and not talking to any of his sons. And Raph really wanted to talk to him, to get some advise, to make his sorrow go away for only a bit, even if that bit meant to get a whooping out of his ass. He didn't care...

He stood there till he felt his body going numb, till his arms and legs felt like they were going to fall from his body. And, as pain came from the unused limbs, he stood up, facing that pain, and bowed to the grave, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. A few drops even landed on the dark soil, and, as he watched them fall, he murmured some words, a small sad smile appearing on his breaking face.

Turning around on his heels, he all but ran away from that spot to the only person that still heard him out: April. He had to talk to her, or better yet, to hear her talk to him and not accuse him of something that he didn't do, of something that he was beating himself up pretty badly as it was.

If he had turned that moment around to take one more look, he would have seen an angry figure, dark but bright at the same time, with it's mouth shut in a firm line and eyes smothering with a barely restrained hate.

He would have seen Leo!

_"You are wrong, Raph! This is not what I want! This was never what I wanted, you idiot!"_ the figure all but screamed from the grave.

But all was in vain, Raph never heard it. Only birds flew away, scared of the malign presence that was among them. Only they knew what could happen if that spirit was angered. And they didn't want to feel his wrath.

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><p>-x-x-x-x-x-<p>

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! I don't think it beats my other two chapters, but I hope I made it worth your wail XD

Thank you for reading this!


	4. Orders

Song: Freak on a Leash - Korn

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><p>-x-x-x-<p>

_**Chapter 4 – Orders**_

_**-x-x-x-**_

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><strong>_

Flying high into the sky, the dark mass increased it's speed, never stopping, never changing directions. It just broke through all the gates of air, it's color brightening as the clouds moved away from it, as if they were scared. Whooshing to a stop, the robed mass halted all movements as Heaven's doors opened in front of him, a peaceful feeling calming all that it touched but the archangel that stood in front of them. The warm gust of wind that came from the realm of God washed over him, but nothing changed, the sour expression on his face giving away the dark parts of his soul. Nothing seem to make his mood change, even when a couple of dark robed creatures approached him, hands united, small smiles brightening and darkening their features.

"Welcome back, dear brother! Boss said that there was something wrong, so we had to call you back!" one of the archangels spoke, his voice deep and melodious.

Puffing, bowing his head to his superiors, but keeping everything to himself, the scorn that tugged at his lips barely masked. Leo turned his head to the side, his eyes void of anything that could give the angels that fought with the demons any sort of clue on what he was thinking. He sure was a weird creature, even to them. They had known all sorts of beings since they had been made archangels so many thousand years ago, but never had they encountered a soul such as this: obvious black from some unknown emotion, wanting something that he could never have, he still had some sort of purity and a calm sense to him that had made God chose him as an archangel under them. They couldn't understand him, but he didn't even want to be understood.

"If that is all, can I go back to my post?" his voice suddenly broke their train of thoughts, this head crooked to one side, his eyes half closed, shinning with something that seemed like hate.

Green skin shone in the heavenly light, black robe fluttering in the breeze, as he turned with his back facing his two superiors. Opening his majestic wings feathers vibrating from an unknown source, Leonardo almost leaped from the star paved pedestal that the two older and much more powerful archangels had previously created.

"**Wait right there, Leonardo Hamato, son of Splinter Hamato, creation of the utroms!" **a thundering voice made his skin crawl, his eyes widening in disbelieve.

How could God come out of His hiding right now. He had important business in the human world, and this was something that delayed his plans. But the old Leo in him didn't let him disobey God's command. His father had thought him well, too well in fact. There were things that he could do, and things that he couldn't do, and right now, jumping and flying away from here was one of those things that he couldn't do.

"**I understand your feelings, my son, but you can not do something like that. That is a sin that will for surely kill you, no matter how you try to hide from it. You shall stop this none sense while you can! Unless the one you so desperately want, the one that you are ready to trade Me for, will accept your wishes, then you shall not approach that person!" **His commanding tone made Leo close his eyes, frustration and hurt tugging at his heart.

This is what he feared the most, to be stopped by a power greater than his own to take something that he knew he couldn't continue living without. Holding back his remarks and acid words, his anger reaching the roof but immediately subsiding do to his own will, Leo turned his head to the side to look at the archangels that had knelled in front of the huge door. A different kind of light illuminated the surroundings, brighter. It calmed his nerves, making his restless spirit gain some light, but nothing more. What he needed and what he had to do never changed. It was something that he couldn't give up on, even if God Himself requested that from him. Sure, he will obey what the old geezer had said, but he will find some way to get to Raph without breaking the rules that he had to keep to.

Nodding, a small smile tugging at his lips, even if it didn't really reached his heart, the sea green skinned terrapin moved his wings closer to his body and then jumped, turning in the air to watch the gates close. The warm light, white at first, turned rapidly into orange and then into red, the blood colored clouds that covered up any traces of its existence reminding him of the one that had always made him restless, the one that was tossing and turning right now in his dream, pain written all over his face. The golden gates, with it's twin dragons always moving around in their frame completely evaporated before his eyes, only the Evening Star showing it's true position. But his eyes remained fixed on that spot a little longer, the details of the door being much more clear now that it was no more. Majestic dragons, scales lighted with their own light, something that the real world, the material world could never imagine, changing colors, fluctuating in their golden cages, circling the trees that decorated the doors, living in a space different from anything he had ever seen, always stared at him, searching in him for something that he had long abandoned. Feathers from small birds, pure, untouchable, fluttered as he approached the earth from the same gates he despised for being something that he could never be.

Sighting, Leo closed his eyes, jerking his head back, opening them so he could see the blackness of the ground, the smells and sights of a decaying city, a city that hunted his loved one for who he was. He despised that city, but he loved it at the same time. Grinning, the sea green turtle, fluffed his wings, his body stopping in mid fall way to abruptly, his head bobbing in its place. He was a terrapin on a mission, even if this mission wasn't his own but one coming from above.

Twisting his body to the right, Leo hurried his flight to where a mob of gangsters had fun by beating a couple to near death. Flapping his wings a couple of times so he could land without hurting his members, Leo walked the last distance to where the group of idiots laughed hysterically while the small please and cries of pain barely reached his ears. His black eyes fixed themselves on the group, inspecting their fragile spirits, deciding what to do next. This was something he would had done if he would still be alive, but right now, he had no other choice, seeing that his higher ups were watching him.

Reaching behind him, to his shell, Leonardo pulled out his sword, swinging it to the right, and then pointing with it's sharp tip to the small fries of a demons that clapped happily on top of the mob. Creatures like this made his life really hard when he was alive, so now he could pay them back by beating the crap out of them. His nature indicated him to kill those frog like imps in one blow, spearing them from a harsh death, but his darkened heart told him otherwise. They had to pay for everything, until he will feel satisfied with their screams. He had to get his share of their blood until he will get his hands on their ultimate boss. He will pay last!

Clicking his tongue to draw the imps attention to his person, Leo tilted his head to one side, lifting his chin to them, his prolonged canines shining in the moonlight. He watched as the creatures stiffened and then started to tremble when they realized who he was. He was known everywhere by the demon community as a Pain Bringer, a Revengeful Archangel, someone that enjoyed to make them hurt in the worst possible ways. Wide, frightful eyes watched him closely, as long, thin legs twitched in expectancy. He loved to run after them and then cut them down as they thought that they were safe. He loved to chase them until they would surrender, crying for mercy at his feet. It didn't take long for the adrenaline to reach unbelievable cotes, and, as he flung his sword to the left and then back to the right again, slicing through the air, the frog demons, the lowest kind of spirits, made a wild dash to where their panicked minds could take them. And so the chase began, Leo's blood rising with want as he ran after them, their stench polluting the air, the smell of terror heavy in the air. Jumping from tree branch to tree branch, Leo caught up with the first small brown creature in mere seconds, and, as the imp begged for it's life, Leo cut through him with an ease that would have made his brothers question his sanity.

The next few minutes he just ran in different directions cutting demons of divers forms and shapes, black blood darkening his skin. When he finally found all of the creatures that turned humans into despicable beings, Leo returned to the clearing in the dark park to see if the mob was still killing the couple that had the bad luck of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. His eyes, when he had gotten there, were unusable, but right now, he could see in the darkest spot without forcing himself.

The bloodied masses of the two humans, a girl and a boy, not much older than himself and his brothers, were barely breathing. Shaking on the grass, all alone in the whole park, they continued to cough up blood as they tried to get up, moaning in pain. Leo watched them struggle, his hand shaking as he gripped the sword harder. He wished he could end their misery, but he couldn't do that. He had to alert someone, somehow, that they were here, so that person could help them. Not that he cared too much about their safety, but... this was what he had to do, weather he liked it or not. Jumping up in the air, his wings opening as wide as they could so he could gain some speed and rush through the air to the nearest human that could help, Leo felt the pain in his shoulders. He had overused his body that night.

Tsking, liking his lips and then spilling the awful blood that stained his face from the creatures he had slayed that night, Leo looked from left to right for someone, and, when he finally spotted one, he rushed there with all the speed his wings could muster. Landing in front of that person, Leo huffed, taking a deep breath, closed his eyes, letting his head drop as he murmured an incantation. The human immediately responded, his eyes going gray, as Leo told him where he should find the two injured teenagers and how to help them, making this new, unsuspecting hero hurry to save their lives. When he fished to give all the details, Leo snapped his fingers and the man just staggered on his feet, shaking his head as he rushed, all of a sudden, in the direction of the part. Leo watched after him with half lidded eyes, his face just a mask, nothing written on it.

Huffing, his stomach doing a flip, as if telling him that this wasn't so normal for him, he lifted again in the air and just flew to his old lair, his heart tugging at his chest cavity, asking for something that he couldn't get nor understand about. This was something that he needed to do, to watch over his loved one, even if he will have to destroy the other ones.

**-x-x-x-x-**

**-Meanwhile-**

**-x-x-x-x-**

Tossing and turning in his sleep, Raph barely breathed, tears running down is face, wetting his pillow, as he struggled to get away from the dream. He had went to April's place, but what he had found there had made his resolve weaken further. That was what hunted him down even in his sleep. He words had burned him, slashed through him, killed his fragile heart and conscience. She had hurt him harder than he had been hurt in years.

Puffing hot air out of his lungs, fighting the spirit that tried to suffocate him, even if he couldn't identify it, Raphael jerked in his body up, mouth agape. His hands were moving everywhere, punching and clutching at the air around him, grabbing nothing. It didn't take long in his current state for him to fall over from his hammock and hitting the ground hard. Waking up from his agitated slumber on the cold floor, the forest green turtle covered his eyes with one hand as the last remains of his dream drifted away. He had went to April's place two days ago, but, instead of finding what he needed the most there, he was welcomed with harsh words and accusations. April was blaming him for Leo's death, saying that, if he weren't such a hothead the leader of their gang would still be alive. She yelled at him like she had never done before. She even wished that he would be the one dead!

"God... If I wouldn' have let Leo jump in front of me, then everyone would be happy... They'r right... I should have been the one dead..." his voice cracked, his soul crushed under all the guilt he felt.

He wished he could cry, but that didn't do him any good. Everything went apart after his elder brother parted with the world.

"Ye'r so lucky, Leo... At least ye'r somewhere ya can... do everything ye wanted... I can't even leave my room... " whispered Raph, falling on his back, his shell hitting the solid ground with a hard noise as if something cracked that instant.

Huffing, knowing that he couldn't stay in his room forever, the dark terrapin got up and walked to the door, scratching the back of his head, his reddened eyes fixing the floor with a hard stare. Mickey would probably be around the kitchen and he didn't want to see the ugly glares from his younger brother, but he had to face that challenge even if it hurt him like hell.

'_What in the shell happened when I was out? I know that I wanted to attack the bastard from the inside, but then... I can't remember... And it seems that the others know somethin'... What does that mean... What did happen?' _ he busied his head with something that he couldn't remember.

He wished he knew why they were blaming him for everything. He wished everything would turn to the best soon. He didn't like the feeling of emptiness that had began to consume his body. Was he that forsaken?

Opening the door to his room, Raph was greeted with a punch, though he didn't know from where it came. Falling to the ground, Raph shook his head, closing his eyes for one second only to open them when a new pain shook his body. Groaning in pain, the terrapin got up with a back flip, his right hand immediately touching his left ribcage, where the pain originated from. Gasping for air, Raphael avoided more hits, and as he jumped from the first floor to the living room, he could see the orange bandanna of his youngest brother undulating in the air, as the leafy green turtle turned his murderous gaze back to his target. But he didn't have time to analyze all the details because another blow, this time from the back, knocked him on his plastron. Coughing up blood, the forest green humanoid turtle pushed to his right so he could avoid another blow from his other brother. Barely breathing, Raphael got up on one knee as his other two brothers regrouped, watching him from above, their eyes swimming in booze. They were smashed, but the heated hate in their eyes made his intestines crawl. This wasn't good. He didn't want to fight them.

"It's all your fault, you stupid jerk! Because of your selfishness Leo's now dead and father doesn't want to speak to us, not to mention April and Casey!" Michelangelo's words barely made it to his ears, the growls that erupted from his belly making Raph feel like he was attacked, threatened, something that he didn't like at all.

"I don't know what ya mean, ye dumbass!" he managed to growl back between coughs as he got up, his eyes, squinted.

"You were the reason why Leo was so weakened! You were the one that got into trouble and he was forced to get you out! None of us knows why he was so desperate to get you back, but I bet you weren't in any real trouble! When he came back you were both bloody, but after that he was forced to defend your sorry ass! You are the reason he is now dead!" Don's calm voice, harboring the deepest hatred Raph ever felt, broke the silence.

Tilting his head, his eyes sad, the oldest out of the three just watched them, trying to understand what they were saying. He didn't remember anything from the time they were describing. And why were they so ready to blame him for Leo's death? This wasn't the first time one of them was on the verge of death, but why now? What had he done that they were so against?

"You killed him! You have to pay!" the olive green terrapin muttered before attacking at full speed, using his full force to hit his hurt brother.

Dodging all the punches and kicks, Raph was thrown off balance by Mickey's kick in the shell from behind, and was knocked over by Don's knee in the gut. Coughing a lot of blood, Raph tried to run away from his rampaging brothers, but he didn't manage to do much when the olive turtle caught up with him and jumped him from behind. Forced to act, though he didn't want to fight them right now, contrary to his fiery nature, Raphael threw his brother into the wall and impaled the leafy green terrapin under him, punching him a couple of times till he was sure the turtle won't move any soon. This was messed up!

"I wish I could remember..." he pleaded to the now quiet room.

Unknown to him, someone was ready, after two weeks to talk to him and hear him out and tell him the part that he didn't remember.

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed this new chapter. Sorry for the late update! :D


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